Song of the moment: For You by Staind




To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?


I sit locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence gets us nowhwere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!


The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions


'Cause I sit here locked
inside my head remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere to fast!


All your insults and your curses make
me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give


I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast




I am the loner in our household. My mother and sister can stay downstairs, hang out all day long, and get along perfectly fine. My brother is in his room watching his anime, hanging out with his friends. I'm just the loser in the computer room, locked up with nothing more but a good book and a blade covered in blood. Reading, writing and cutting are my only escape from this reality.


My mom doesn't even push me on schoolwork anymore. It's like as if she doesn't care and allows me to be alone. She cares more about our birds than she does about me. She spends more time with them, talking to them, waking them up in the morning, singing to them, baby talking them. And what do I get? A fucking "HEY WAKE UP YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL." yelled at my head every single FUCKING morning.


How can I love someone that doesn't love me back.....


I remember back when I was in elementary school. We would have these open houses for the parents and their kids. I always wanted my mom to go to our open houses, I was always a good studen and I just wanted her to see how well I've been performing. The problem was, the open houses were always on Thursdays, and my mom had her bowling league that day. She would rather go bowling than see her academic daughter's hard-earned achievements....


The only thing she attended were my piano recitals. And she would always criticize the way that I played lead piano, how I messed up on my solo. I was never good enough. I will never be good enough for her. I bet you she'll even complain about my death, and make remarks about how I didn't do it right and then start complaining about the bills that she would have to pay.


This is why I don't care anymore. I have become often emotionless. And why should I care, why should I? I want to fall into an eternal sleep and never be awoken to this dreadful nightmare ever again. Hiding behind my books and my writing won't work forever. This disease of a family is driving me crazy.